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Issue 345
23 October 2011
Updated Weekly
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Grant Scarf About Face

OLD BAG: This is an archive story from Issue 340 - 18 Jan 2011
Avram Grant

Avram Grant: Happier times

Club Shop: Must stay at least 100 yards away from

Ray Winstone

Fifty in-play markets?

Reprieved coach wants his scarf back

West Ham United manager Avram Grant has demanded that the scarf he threw to a supporter, on what he thought would be his last day in the job, be returned to him at once!

The official Nicest Guy In Football was all set for the chop on Saturday, according to a sizable chunk of the English media. In a moment of largess as he departed the Upton Park pitch for what he thought was the last time, he threw is West Ham scarf to an adoring fan which was snatched away from him by some other obsessive at the last second.

Beep! Beep! Beep!

However, Grant's supposed replacement, Martin O'Neill, supposedly got cold feet as a result of the blaring Sky Sports News headlines. The club was humiliatingly forced to reverse their dump truck full of cash, intended for the ex-Villa boss, all the way back to the David Gold's dildo depot from whence it came.

But with the former Pompey & Chelsea boss back in situ, he wants his scarf back.

The club board have played down the intense speculation, blaming it on a spotty PR intern who got carried away during an, off the record, briefing session in the pub.

It all links

Meanwhile, Grant himself has some explaining to do of his own, following a severe bout of demob-happiness. He defecated on David Sullivan's expensive claret blazer and shot the Upton Park official cat, Bubbles, with a vintage Luger that he procured from an East End Military antiques shop. Consequently, the courts took out an injunction,preventing Grant from entering the club shop to buy a new scarf.

Cawnaahs!!

The scarf is now believed to be in the hands of a private collector after a round of ferocious bidding on eBay. Beloved actor, top bookie spokesman and Hammers fan Ray Winstone has laid odds of 15/1 that the scarf will be returned.

Ooof!

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Also in Issue 340