The Onion Bag: Occasionally humorous football satire
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Issue 345
23 October 2011
Updated Weekly
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An Onion Bag Christmas Podcast

OLD BAG: This is an archive story from Issue 226 - 17 Dec 2007
Jaws 3D

New podcast: Jumping the shark?

Muppet Christmas Carol

Timeless classic

William Shatner

Shatner: Waiting for the call

Bag audio plunges new depths

The Onion Bag waded into even larger waves of crapulence today as it shamelessly unveiled it's new podcast: A dramatization of A Christmas Carol.

Chuck's tale

The Story was originally written by a little known English writer called Charles Dickens (Chuck to his mates) but shot to fame when the tale was rescued from obscurity by the Muppets who turned it in to a film. Since then the story has been remade and interpreted in different ways. The Bag follows in the footsteps of Bill Murray, Michael Caine and Mickey Mouse in this well trodden path of plagiarism and cultural necrophilia.

Too clever by half

This version has the hilariously original premise of the main protagonist Scrooge as a football chairman who, instead of being mean and stingy, spends money like its Judgement Day tomorrow and Grand Slam Sunday the day after.

This piece is narrated by film and TV legend Cornelius Rumbold and features a guest appearance from none other than your very own Johnny Pundit. "At first I was reluctant to get involved," said the regular Onion Bag columnist. "But after they explained that if I refused they'd get William Shatner to do it I was given little choice. They certainly know which buttons to press the manipulative bastards."

You're having a larf

"This is a great step forward for the Onion Bag," said our PR consultant Ernesto Cockgroupier. "As it enters its fifth year, the new podcast will add value to the Bag's considerable portfolio and makes it even more attractive to potential investors. At least that's what I told them the gullible schmucks."

Argh! My ears!

An Onion Bag Christmas Carol is yours download now by clicking on the link below. Why not use the comments section to tell us what you think or how long you listened to it before pressing Stop? Whoever lasts the longest wins two tickets to the live performance at the Croydon Palladium.

Download the podcast

[Format: MP3; File size: 19Mb; Running time: 19m52s]

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Also in Issue 226