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Issue 345
23 October 2011
Updated Weekly
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Good Morning Brentford

OLD BAG: This is an archive story from Issue 171 - 20 Nov 2006
Roland Rat

He's back Rat fans

Mike Morris

Mike Morris: journeyman

Lorraine Kelly

LK: Must stay at least 100 yards away from

Dyke appoints Rat at Griffin Park

Brentford chairman Greg Dyke has sacked manager Leroy Rosenior and handed the job to children's TV puppet Roland Rat.

Rosenior has been replaced by the former morning TV star after a downturn in recent performances. Dyke was concerned that the Bees audience figures were dropping rapidly because of the poor quality viewing on offer at Griffin Park. He has called in Roland Rat to turn things around.

Galacticos

Rat has previously worked for Dyke before at the now defunkt breakfast television channel TV-am whose previous management had tried to buy success by signing big names such as Michael Parkinson, David Frost, Anna Ford, Angela Rippon and Derek Jameson. However, the size of the egos in the team led to a fractious and bad tempered dressing room.

Dumbing down

When Dyke took control of TV-am in 1984 he appointed Rat as new manager and almost immediately things turned around. Rat cut down the wage bill by getting rid of the superstars and bringing in unspectacular but reliable journeyman such as Anne Diamond, Nick Owen, Mike Morris, Richard Keys and Lorraine Kelly.

Big money move

A household name, Rat was transferred to the BBC (Dyke was to join him later) but has been on sabbatical for some years now charting the abandoned tunnels of London's underground railway network. The lovable rodent wants to form his coaching staff of his colleagues from the days of TV-am. "I'm planning to get the gang back together just like old times." Rat told our intrepid reporter Larry Gak. "There's Errol, Little Reggie, Iris & Freddy and of course, Keviiiiiinn."

Coming up next…

"I can't wait to get started." He continued "This weeks show features Rusty Lee's tips for a stress free Christmas in the Kitchen, Anne Diamond will be giving advice on getting the right gastric band and if there's time, we might get round to a game of football. Eeeeeeeeehh!!"

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Also in Issue 171