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Issue 345
23 October 2011
Updated Weekly
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becks pukes and leaves

OLD BAG: This is an archive story from Issue 150 - 26 Jun 2006
Beckham sick

Becks: Sick as a parrot

Wurst: temptation

ebay

Marketing opportunity

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England skipper's wurst nightmare

The Onion Bag can exclusively reveal that it was a pre-match over-indulgence of the local bratwurst sausages that caused David Beckham to puke up on the pitch during England's 1-0 World Cup victory over Ecuador.

Hurleyman

The England captain's fitness guru have become increasingly concerned about Beckham's well-being since he arrived in Baden Baden and developed a penchant for a bit of German snag.

Shortly after scoring the only goal in England's second round match Beckham was seen throwing up on the pitch. Initially it was thought be due to dehydration because of the white hot atmosphere in Stuttgart. In fact it was down to a foot long wild boar and mustard bratwurst that Beckham had consumed at just before the game.

Little piggies

"Becks has always enjoyed a bit of sausage," an England insider told our intrepid reporter Larry Gak. "But since we've been in Germany he's been gorging himself on the local wurst as though all the piggies were about to die out."

Porkies

So worried have the England camp become about Beckham's sausage habit turning him into a pork bellied monstrosity that they have flown in the noted sausage dependancy specialist Professor Julius Von Bani from the Bavarian Wurst Institute.

"My method is very simple," he told us today. "We gorge the patients until his colon explodes and then we cash our pay-cheque."

Chunky Monkey

Loyal fans of the pin-up winger are clamouring for a piece of Beck's blown chunks - a quick thinking groundsman quickly scooped the slop into a jar and is selling it on internet auction site ebay. "You Englanders will buy any piece of celebrity tat" he told us. "Strange zo, I have never been seeing der wurst mit der carrot chunks in it."

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Also in Issue 150