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Issue 345
23 October 2011
Updated Weekly
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TRIBUTE FLOOD DISASTER

OLD BAG: This is an archive story from Issue 121 - 28 Nov 2005
Best: dead

Best: tributes

Roofworld

Tributary: flooding in

Used to be in The Sparks

Mosely: Government spokesman

UK flooded by Best tributes

The flood of tributes to George Best has caused damage to households and businesses that could run into millions of pounds. Tributes began flooding in alarmingly on Friday when Best finally snuffed it but a lot of damage had already been done in the preceeding days. It was thought defences would hold when the deluge began but a slow news day quickly led to flooding of Biblical proportions.

Houses Of The Holy

When Best first went into hospital last month, experts predicted mild media interest. The announcement that he had stopped drinking, followed a week later by a mix-up that nearly saw him carted off to the knacker's yard by gypsies received a little more attention. His brief recovery caused some scientitians to declare there would be no flood but his re-admittance to hospital and the subsequent 'Week Of Death' media frenzy saw tributes bubbling dangerously close to unsafe levels just before he died. Several newspapers printed what amounted to obituaries while Radio 4's Today programme was referring to Best in the past tense in expectation of his expiration

When The Levee Breaks

By Friday morning, international news organisations had blocked ambulances in and out of Best's hospital while trying to report his imminent demise. When it came at 12.55pm, no-one was prepared for the size of the flood.

Kashmir

Websites were the first affected, quickly updating their homepages with links to tributes, prompting flood experts to declare an emergency. When TV outlets like the BBC and Sky got into top gear, defences had been breached and the tide could not be held back. London's Thames Barrier was activated at 1.06pm but by then it was too late. It soon became impossible to find any media that wasn't flooded with tributes, and by 3pm, near hysteria had broken out. Eyewitnesses reported looting and rioting across the country, causing hundreds of pounds worth of damage.

Tangerine

Thankfully, by 6pm, order had been brutally restored and the wealthiest of the sick airlifted to hospitals. But some people (whingers mostly) are already saying the Government did not do enough to warn of the impending disaster. Home Office Minister Oswald Mosely responded: "I would just like to pay my own tribute to George..."

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Also in Issue 121