The Onion Bag: Occasionally humorous football satire
"Football satire at its finest" msn.com
"Cruel, heartless b*st*rds" Fox Sports
"Will have you laughing like a drain" itv.com
Issue 345
23 October 2011
Updated Weekly
GET THE WEEKLY EMAIL

O'Leary Fisting Shock

OLD BAG: This is an archive story from Issue 115 - 17 Oct 2005
David O'Leary

O'Leary: Following through

Doug Ellis

Doug Ellis: Rough passage

Birmingham fans

Birmingham fans: Clenching

Blues up in arms at Villa Boss

Aston Villa manager David O'Leary faces an FA investigation after complaints that he used explicit pornographic fisting gestures immediately after his team victory in the derby match with Birmingham City.

Brum Derby

At the final whistle O'Leary ran across the pitch to the director's box, passing a load of Birmingham supporters, pointing and thrusting a clenched fist upwards. He claimed that he was pointing at, and paying tribute to, club Chairman Doug Ellis who been a bit poorly recently (he is 82 years old after all). Despite that, bitter and lonely Birmingham supporters have reported O'Leary's antics as lewd and unsavoury.

Brown Derby

"We were particularly outraged with the fisting," said Les Dyke of the Blues for Sexual Abstinance pressure group. "We all had clenched sphincters in the last few minutes of the match and the sight O'Leary giving it the upward thrust only served as a painful reminder of how we were all feeling."

Tears to the eyes

The FA has been asked to look into it. An FA spokesman told the Onion Bag: "Following a number of high pitched complaints from Birmingham City supporters, we are obliged to conduct a thorough inspection of Aston Villa manager's post-match fisting." The spokesman wanted to make it clear that the enquiry will only probe tentatively. "We don't intend to get our hands dirty," he said.

Rough passage

O'Leary insists he doesn't know what the fuss is all about. "All I wanted to do was thank the Chairman for everything he's done. He's had to take a lot of fingers from our fans over the years. It's been a pretty uncomfortable ride for him and he deserves a much smoother passage."

Copyright © 2003 - 2020 The Onion Bag

Also in Issue 115